“Hello – and welcome to this, our first ever live broadcast, from the former Soviet Onion. I’m Dr Walrus Titty, and today we are attempting to kill two birds with one stone, which two birds is entirely up to yourselves. I’ll be joined later in the show by a well-known Black Tennis Player who will demonstrate what to do with your over ripe Cucumbers and associated salad veg. I can hardly wait. This is why one should never buy more than two Avocados at a time.
Just in case you had not noticed, there is a competition in progress at the moment in the former Soviet Onion, and I bet you have not missed a second of it. I am of course talking about the much-loved Cossack Dancing on eight foot stilts with a Ferret down your trousers on ice.
And I have just been reliably informed that we can now go Ringside and join our correspondent Dr Magnus Fishcake – Live!”
“OI MUSH! YES YOU – COME NEAR ME WITH THAT SABRE ONCE MORE PAL – AND I’LL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF!
Live, what do you mean live? Ahem… Sorry about that Folks, but you know what these Cossacks are like when they’ve had a skin full. A danger to Society if you ask me.
With all the grace and panache of a flatulent Hippo, that was number 6 Itorrabollokoff and his partner with the hairy armpits, Elga.”
Alas, we must leave our Sabre wielding Comrades, and fore-go the Avocado and Cucumber demonstration, and return to the Land of Hope and Glory and get the Tea on the go.
I would like to leave you with the wise words of Prof I Rubbitupem of the Dudley Space Centre: You never know who’s looking at Uranus.
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